Background: I carry the insurance for my entire family, including my stepson, who lives with us at least half of the year...weekends, all holidays, Christmas break, spring break, summer...the whole summer. I buy his groceries, provide him shelter, etc.
Enter the 15-year-old and time to take his permit and driving lessons. I have offered him driving practice once he got his permit..and he declined saying that he would rather his mom or dad take him. He went on Wednesday, his mom taking off work, to get his permit and he failed his test. His dad took him on Wednesday afternoon, and they were unable to take the test. JJ had plans to go hunting on Thursday morning, and I was going to be off work, so I said that I would take him. "I'd rather study some more," AJ says. Smart move, I think, but his mom insists that he will take it on Thursday...but that I (me) cannot take him because it will have to be a LEGAL GUARDIAN who takes him.
Ok. Let's forget that the dad should take him and cancel his hunting trip. Personally, after failing the exam, I think that no one should cancel their plans to take him. I was willing to go because I had not made plans for that morning...now Friday would have been different. What I want to know is WHEN DID I CEASE TO BE HIS LEGAL GUARDIAN???
You've gotta know how these words stung. I'm sure I will be considered as important when it is time to put him on auto insurance. In the meanwhile, I'm just some woman that married his daddy. (I'm not sure the source of this logic, but it comes from somewhere)
So enter the dentist office. AJ loves going to our dentist...but he sees the partner, not the main guy. I have all the kids scheduled with my appointment for a Monday in April. Last time we went on their school holiday. This time we were going on mine. We get a call yesterday that we will need to reschedule AJ's appointment, which is scheduled for my next work holiday, because now the partner does not schedule patients on Monday. AJ has too many "parent excuse" days out of school...so he needs to reschedule to also a time that is not during school...and I am the one who is asked to work it out with the dentist. This news comes after I have had to work my OWN doctor schedule out around these dentist appointments and my doctor's schedule....not to mention that I will either have to take another day off work or use another one of my holidays to take a kid to the dentist...a kid that I am not even the LEGAL GUARDIAN of.
Perhaps I am just being over sensitive. All this information came to me at a time when much else was going on in my universe, like my ten year-old accidentally closing the car door on JJ's brand new fishing rod...and I had just walked in the door from exchanging it. And perhaps it had something to do with the phone call I just received from my sister that my family was planning an Easter dinner and egg hunt that I knew nothing about. And perhaps it was from the fact that my mother-in-law who lives across the street was planning an Easter dinner for her family and that AJ and his mom knew about it, and I had NO CLUE. I was a little miffed at that exact moment. I told the dentist's office we would have to get back with her.
Look, I WANT to be there for these kids. I want to help them learn to drive. I want to answer questions about their homework, their newly married life, their newborn baby. They have a mom, and I would NEVER try to take her place...but I am constantly reminded that I have NO PLACE with them at all...not over her dead body, maybe? Sure, when they want a car, they need me because I control the budget. Sure when they need insurance for their teenage driver, they need me because I am the one who carries insurance on my automobiles. Sure when there is sickness, or it's time to file taxes, they need my health insurance. I don't mind doing any of these things....but I feel like that is all I am...the security, the money, the insurance. I wonder if there will be a seat for me at the graduation? Looking to the past, probably not. Am I wrong? I might be, but I haven't sorted through that yet.
I look to my relationship with my stepmom. She was my dad's wife, and as such, she had a place at my wedding on the pew with my dad, in the photos, at the reception. She and I hardly knew each other at that time. I never tried to exclude her.
As with now. I don't want to be special. I just want to be included.
And by the way, just a side note...on AJ's permit, he uses MY address as his home address with the State. If that doesn't make me anymore his legal guardian that the fact that I am married to his dad and his last name is the same as mine...then I don't know what does.
By legal definition, the guardian relationship places a child in the care of an adult who provides for them. The relationship, by definition, does not replace the parental relationship.
Holy family, pray for us.
No comments:
Post a Comment