Life Begins with Coffee

Truer words were never spoken. I cannot begin my day without a cup.  The struggle of even making coffee in the morning is real. I am trying really hard to make it at night, so I don't have to try so hard in the morning.

Despite the need for coffee every morning, there is one thing I need more than anything every day... and that is prayer.  While I am drinking my first sips of heaven and feeling it reach down to my toes, I am also saying my morning prayers which begin with a prayer to the Holy Spirit, then the Our Father, then the Hail Mary, Glory Be and O My Jesus.  I end my morning routine with brushing my teeth and saying the Morning Offering.  I know I could and probably should be praying for certain issues that come up such as sickness, salvation, financial needs, but the truth is, I can barely come up with the words to talk full sentences to my children, so these simple prayers get my day started...and the caffeine gets my blood started.

 When that first drop of coffee touches your soul.

By the time I reach work I am praying the Prayer of Saint Francis. Sometimes my road trip gets hairy, sometimes I am fighting my own internal battles, sometimes battles with my family...sometimes I just have my boxing gloves on.

The last few days the devil has been after me and my family. Mistrust, insecurities, doubt and fear have lead to anger, frustration, hurt feelings, brokenness and full-scale damage. I have cried more, yelled more, vented more. My blood pressure hasn't been this high in a while. It has been hard to work, hard to be around people, hard to be positive.  I am grateful to my friends at the ball field that have helped me to have moments of smiles and laughter. I am grateful to my mom, who just helps me talk through things, even though we don't have any real solutions. I am grateful to my kids for cooperating and working with me, knowing what it means when Mommy is upset.

I have tried to turn the other cheek, as it goes in the Bible, and "endure all things", but it has been hard. I have tried to develop an attitude of forgiveness, but I am still in self-protect mode. My guard is up, my defenses are strong, the wall is high and thick.  Perhaps with time.

So at 4:30  this morning, while I was on my knees in prayer, instead of snuggled next to my husband who didn't seem like he wanted me next to him, I waited for the coffee. Once the coffee was poured and the prayers were said, I put on my face and my cutest outfit and my silver shoes. I herded my kids off to school, and I went to work.