There are times when things are said that are true, but they hurt the person who hears them. Other times things are said but they come out wrong. You are seen as the wrong kind of person because of how it sounded when it came out.
I really did it this time. JJ moved the game into the bedroom. I have been against this idea since its conception. It took him months, but he finally did it. After me listening to him game all week over the phone, and having to repeat myself several times because he was just not listening, I now could not even go to bed at a decent hour because he was in there til all hours of the night yelling obscenities at his "friends".
Our date night was cancelled, and while we did go shopping for my daughter's gift, which she loved, so JJ was the hero for picking it out, I felt rushed on our shopping trip. No browsing for me. I wanted to have some quality time with my husband, but I should have viewed it as a favor that he was even going with me. He was rude to me the whole time we were gone, but we made it through the evening without a fight. Which was amazing since my daughter threw up all over the living room and bathroom, and he left it for me to clean up by myself...and never once offered to help or ask me if I needed anything...just laughed at her (good naturedly) for being sick.
He was miffed that I told him I wasn't going to bed in our bedroom as long as he was playing, so he finally quit about 1 am. The next day was much of the same, except we were much nicer to each other. The day ended on a great note, but he still played until 2 am.
Today he has played all day long, while I cleaned the kitchen...and cleaned and cleaned. He stopped long enough to fix my vacuum cleaner, which I am immensely grateful for. He also quit gaming and looked me straight in the eye, and said "Let's go to Gander Mountain to look at some game cameras."
I supported him, and we rode together. It was nice trip. I was patient while we browsed and browsed at everything there. I didn't comment on the fact that I thought anything cost so much...to him anyway....I suppose I was hurt that date night had still not ever happened. I was hurt that he would not take me hunting. I was hurt that we had not spent any quality time together in forever and that he didn't seem to care a bit...it was not important to me. I was hurt that he seemed to think of EVERYONE ELSE, including himself, and that somehow I had come last in importance.
And I vented to a girlfriend. In text. To HIS number. So used to texting him, I accidentally sent him the message that was meant for her. In it I had told her that I was still "hanging on" and that I had faith that he would come through and think of me...but I put it in a way that mentioned dollars and cents and Christmas presents....and I said his actions made him look selfish.
I MESSED UP.
It was how I felt, but I just meant to vent to a girlfriend. I always think negatively, and he always comes through in the end. And this time, I may have messed up and ruined Christmas. His direct quote to me later after he found it was that He didn't want to talk to me right now.
I don't blame him. I don't want to talk to me either. I tried to explain that I felt like I was coming last to him, that I was not important to him. I may have just sealed my fate by speaking my mind over my hurt feelings. I said our relationship was doomed because of the time he spent gaming. So little time has been used to foster our friendship and our love for each other. Business partners we still have, but not the rest, like we used to.
They say a flower will wilt if you don't water it. While I have been the wilted flower here lately, I may have just killed it all together.
Dear Jesus!!!! Please Help me!!! Holy Mary pray for me! Saint Joseph pray for us both!
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