The song from the movie Annie states a truth. You can roll your hair to display long, curly, red tresses that bounce when you walk. You can line your eyes with Avon's brown glow glimmerstick. You can gloss your lips with LA Cross's Topaz moisturizing lip gloss. Mary Kay's Citrus Bloom can accent your cheekbones, but unless your face is lightened by a smile, you just don't quite make the grade. Before JJ and I got together, I fixed my hair on most days and wore my make-up. I made a nice presentation, but I wouldn't say I was put-together, or really even pretty. After we got together, I began dressing up more. I wanted to look good for him, and I wanted to look good for me because I felt good. People still remark to me today that I look like a totally different person.
Once you begin to hamper that energy, once you begin to crush that feeling of walking on a cloud, your appearance begins to change. The more taken for granted that I feel, the less appreciated, the more I sense a lack of consideration, the lower I feel. Despite my put-together image, it shows. (excerpt from Journal)
My household has been a classroom this month. Oh the lessons we have learned from each other! The revelations came to me over this last weekend as I spent time with my sister.
My sister and her husband have been married for a little over ten years now. They have had plenty of time to develop the habits that will carry them the rest of their lives. These habits a couple develops will make or break your marriage. They are learning what strength their marriage holds.
After playing Black Ops II for a couple of weekends in a row, JJ has learned what it means to be on a team. You have several members join a group called a team to play "team death match". In the middle of the match, players will leave the match and leave the other team members to fend for themselves in the guerrilla warfare type video game. This behavior gets on JJ's nerves just a bit. Imagine that.
In the last few weeks while JJ has been playing the game, I have been missing out on my partnership. I have sort of lost my way as the General's Home Office Manager. The General is no longer leading. He seems to have retreated. I am doing all I can to keep the front line from caving, but I am struggling. There are times when I also need the companionship and the comradery that he has found in playing with his friends from around the country. He doesn't realize that playing binges that can last anywhere from 5 to 17 hours in one day leave the rest of the family out of his loop. He stopped doing things like coming to bed when I did or at all sometimes, leaving me to sleep alone...something we always said we would never do, if we were both home. He stopped doing things at all with me like taking rides in the truck or watching movies or simply holding any more than bits of conversation. In the time all this was going on, our conversations consisted of financial matters. Any other conversation we had was one-sided, as he was always distracted either with facebook or the game or work. I began to wonder if he wasn't seeing someone I didn't know about.
Don't waste your time fighting blind minded thoughts of despair. Hold On to Your Love. The art of playing games now is not the hearts you break; it's bound to the good love you make when it's heart's on fire. Give him love everyday. Remember he needs space. Be patient and he'll give his heart to you.
I finally came to decide that he wasn't seeing anyone. He was just in love with his new favorite past time. Playing the game brought him joy. It hurt that I was not his source of joy. I began to pray that God would bring me a similar source of joy in a non-harmful way. My children are joyful when they are happy, but Mommy can not make them happy if she is no longer happy herself. My breaking point came when my niece told me of a conversation she had with my step-daughter. The conversation brought up feelings of anger and rage. The words she said invoked images of the last week of my best friend's life and how I felt helpless to help her, as I had no idea what was really going on with her. I just knew she was acting very different in a scary way, and I was worried about her. These memories coupled with the loneliness I had felt over the previous weeks all collided in a day of tears. Finally by the end of the day JJ asked me if I was okay. I told him.
I assured him that I did not mind him playing the game but it was the extent to which he was playing and the fact that we were no longer a unit, the fact that I was completely alone. I felt that I had put too much pressure on him to be my only friend after the death of my oldest friend.
Trust and honesty too must be the golden rule. You'll feel the strength of passion in your soul burn so deeply within. Ooh the magic that you share, so sacrifice and show how much you care. Have faith. Just keep the fire burning at home.
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