I wrestled with the name for a long time. I finally settled on Shamrock Cottage for the name of the modest home that sits on the property. There are tons of little clovers or shamrocks in the yard all year round. The word "terrace" in the dictionary refers to a flat surface on a slope that is used for culitvation. On down in the definition, there is a reference for a tiered standing accomodation for spectators at a sports ground. If you've seen my house, you know that we live on such a raised slope, and although we don't culitvate much, there is a sporting event that goes right in front of our house...the Ohatchee 5K runs every year in October, and we usually view it from the terrace...Megrin Terrace.
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When the doctor tells you to go home and stay away from stress for a few days, you know you need to make a change somewhere. Things had been going too smoothly for a long time. Recently there began to be lumps in the potatoes.
My co-worker who had gotten the promotion over me was leaving the office. I was going to miss her. I was dealing with my own demons about whether or not I would ever be in the good graces of the boss again and the fact that I wasn’t sure I liked the work I was facing until retirement…my dad worked years in a job he hated…would I face the same? I don’t hate my work; I am just not in my comfort zone, and I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. I usually talk to said co-worker on lunch hour about work things and personal things. We know way too much about each other. By this point I wasn’t able to talk to her at all…our lunch hours never would gel. I was having to internalize all the thoughts I was having and was unable to sound any of them out…not to mention I had very little reassurance that I was still okay.
At home very different demons have been rearing their ugly heads. I am embarking on a journey that I am not ready to mention at this time. It seems that the support and encouragement I need from my home-front is not likely to come. The lack of this support will lead to other things that make me uncertain, nervous even. The lack of promotion at the office does not make this outlook for the future any brighter. More stress.
My daughter had a complete breakdown this week refusing to go to school. She said she was being picked on by other children in the school. She was getting in trouble for what they were doing to her. I took her to school to get to the bottom of whatever the situation might be. Let me say that the school was extremely supportive and reassuring. On the verge of a nervous breakdown already that morning, I went to work, but only to be able to stay there for a few minutes before just getting up and leaving. I couldn’t face anything that was there. Not that day.
By the time I returned home, the school was calling me; my daughter was the one doing the picking. She needed a consequence. She got one all right…on the backside. By lunch every day this week I had felt like I had already run a marathon. Napping was imperative. Finally a visit to the doctor on Thursday had me calling in sick for the rest of the week.
To de-tox at home I have finished laundry and processed other loose ends that have not been tied. I have been available for my friends, my family, and I have even had some time to just relax.
I have spent much of today worrying about what other people think, listening to other people whine, beg and fuss. Today has really put me in a frame of mind to close the door on reality and not open it until tomorrow.
Today was also my daughter’s 8th birthday. She has had a big day. We saw Beauty and the Beast in 3D. I thoroughly enjoyed it 20 years ago when I saw it the first time; it was just as enjoyable today. The kids really loved it. Erin wanted to visit Mexico Lindo and get fried ice cream after the movie, and we did. Our family from the restaurant was all there, and our family was there as well…even my grandparents came. Erin brought a friend with her who was a sheer delight. If I had closed the door on reality like I wanted to, I would have missed those blessings.
And while I was gone doing all that, my husband has been home playing his xbox. He is still there, and I would like someone to snuggle up next to tonight. I think I would rest more peacefully that way, but he has been there all weekend, and he doesn’t look like he is moving anytime soon.
Tomorrow my niece will be baptized. I look forward to a restful day and capping off the night with a celebration. Maybe by the time I get up in the morning on Monday I will actually feel ready to take on the day.
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